Conflict has a one-track mind
Updated: Aug 8, 2018
What happens when we are in conflict?
If you think about it you'll notice that your entire identity becomes concerned with a single value. This is unusual because we typically walk through life with an open mind, balancing and considering priorities. When most people or groups are in conflict they stop questioning what is happening because they are "certain"!
Being Open to something new becomes difficult if not impossible when we are in the midst of a conflict. It's either win or lose! Live or Die! Succeed or Fail! Liberty or Death! Courage or Cowardice!....
For the most part what we believe “will” be true is what comes to pass and yet we are surrounded by people who have come to completely different conclusions about life and what matters. Isn’t that odd?
“Not many of our responses are original, fresh, or naturally respectful of what is right in front of us. The most common human responses to a new moment are mistrust, cynicism, fear, defensiveness, dismissal, and judgmentalism. These are the common ways the ego tries to be in control of the data instead of allowing the moment to get some control over us—and teach us something new!” (Rohr 1/11/18).
This is why I have the two requirements I do of anyone I work with….or frankly have any relationship with of substance – Emotional Authenticity and Intellectual Honesty (as I defined them in this website). Anyone with the will and commitment to these two things will find the rest of the process not only possible but fun and revealing of deeper truths. When you think about it, how fun can it be if you genuinely believe you know everything and have nothing to learn? In my experience people who approach life or other relationships this way tend to take others for granted, look down on them and are generally no fun to be with…I know I’m not when I’m like this. I don’t even like myself so much in those moments!
So…give it a try.
You don’t have to let go of what matters to you in order to become curious about someone else. If you are having a hard time, contact me or take the CVN survey to see if that uncovers something…it usually does even for me and I made it!